Quiet Waters are Deep
by TheWazzupPeople
Summary: This what happens when Kowalski strains himself by thinking too much. And I don't get any night's sleep. O.o
1. Chapter 1

**Ok I'm pretty sure this is a one shot. There might be a continuation of some sort, but I still have to think of it. I came up with this late at night, like 4 up till morning. I couldn't sleep.**

**Credit to AlwaysRemainMe for the title :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own PoM… but I do owe Fish N Chips :3 And To Fish Or Not To Fish.**

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><p>"Soldiers, come here! A new show is about to come on: Fish N Chips!" Skipper yelled out from the television spot. "And I've got a brand new order of fish to match the occasion."<p>

Rico shrieked out in happiness, rushing over and swallowing a couple of fresh fish in one, long bite.

"Ooo Fish N Chips!" Private exclaimed excitedly, taking one fish out of the container. "I heard it's based on the classic penguin novel: To Fish or Not To Fish."

"Kowalski's favorite." Skipper commented matter-of-factly. "If only he would come out of his L-A-B and watch it with U-S!" he yelled out loudly, sighing angrily once he got no response.

He rolled his eyes and sat on a chair "Fine! Don't come! As if we need you!"

"What is wrong with Kowalski anyways..?" Private asked timidly. All he knew was that he has been a bit... Off, lately.

"He isn't coming out of his lab." he sighed, stating the obvious. He shook his head, "It's not natural!" his voice rose again, as if maybe Kowalski could hear him. "Not even red Alaskan salmon will bring him out!"

Rico and Private gasped at the same time, a bit taken aback.

"I should go talk to him. It sounds serious." Private glanced at the lab, worried.

"Please!" Skipper begged. "Not even a phone call from Doris will bring him out." he grabbed Private dramatically, pulling him closer. "He is creeping. Me. OUT!" he choked out, one eye staring directly into his.

Rico nodded his head, making weird hand gestures.

"Alright... I'll go talk to him."

Skipper let go of Private, much too Private's relief. "Don't come back here until he is ready to talk with Doris and eat red Alaskan salmon, got it?"

'That will be hard to do' he thought sarcastically.

"Sure thing Skipper" he saluted, as if he was about to go alone on a solo mission.

He started heading towards the lab, tiptoeing, frightened a bit. Kowalski on his "mad scientist" mode is not so much fun. And that's from experience.

He glanced back at Skipper and Rico, who were giving him a 'thumbs up' sign. "Great help they are" he muttered and opened the door slowly.

He entered the lab, instantly coughing from the amount of dust that was piled up in the room. When was the last time Kowalski had cleaned up here?

Not only that, but the dim lights made him bump into things and crash over various items. Was one lamp lighting the entire room?

Private got up on his feet and continued to walk, observing his surroundings as not to fall again. Dirty. Unorganized. 'Is this really Kowalski's lab? He thought in bafflement.

Kowalski was sitting on his rusty old chair, back hunched, staring into space. "Oh thank God you're here!"

The penguin's expression was unreadable, almost blank. His features were focused.

His work area was filled with scattered papers and broken-down experiments. His notepad was to be overflowing with notes.

He looked like a rotting zombie. One that has been paralyzed or frozen, Private determined.

"Kowalski?" he questioned, slightly surprised. He waited a few moments and repeated his name again. Once he didn't get a reply, Private decided to slap him lightly on the shoulder, not enough to hurt him but just enough to daze him out of his daydream.

"Kowalski! Talk to me!" the young penguin's tone hinted desperation, as he was worried for his teammate. Has he finally cracked?

"Why would there be anything wrong?" Innocence? Unlikely. Private crossed his flippers over his chest, quite annoyed. "Tell me what's going on." his eyes were wide with curiosity.

"The puppy dog eyes? Really? Now that's just low." his voice was dragged and tired, bags covered his dark eyes.

"Please?" he continued to beg. Kowalski sunk his head to his flippers, sighing deeply. "Do you want to know what happened?"

Private gave out a small, eager smile and sat on a chair next to Kowalski. "Yes I do."

A few moments passed. "I am unintelligent, ok? There! Are you satisfied?" he muttered annoyed, looking out the window. He seemed a bit embarrassed, as if he just announced his greatest secret on national TV.

The young penguin scoffed, "Unintelligent? Yeah right! Kowalski, you are the brightest out of all 4 of us. You know everything." the smile on his face meant to be reassuring, but it only seemed innocent and naive.

"Not everything." he commented drily. "I know plenty of things…that I am certain of, but there will always be something I won't know."

Private gaped at him. "Well of course you can't know every single thing. No one can achieve such a thing. It's impossible." The answer was simple, right? Then what was his problem..?

The tall penguin shrugged and looked back at the computer, typing up random scientists' names and writing them down on the little space that was left in his notepad. "Private, have you ever started…to think?" he lifted his eyes from his notes.

"Ok maybe I'm not as smart as you, Kowalski but I am capable of thinking and have done so in the past."

"I didn't mean it in an insulting way. It's just... I believe that every person was born with a purpose, you know?" his eyes focused on nothing in particular, just a random object on the other side of the room.

Private stared at Kowalski confused. He wasn't sure what he was getting at, but it was certainly something he didn't understand.

"Most people take for granted their existence. Though, lately, I have been thinking. Maybe a bit too much, but nonetheless so."

Private decided not to comment on the fact that you are forced to think every second of every day, since your brain is constantly working. He noted it as an unnecessary remark and continued to listen.

"What's my reason for existence? Science? Too Specific. Love? Not quite what I'm looking for. Knowledge? ... Maybe." he took a glance at all the laid out subjects he had written on his whiteboard.

"Knowledge?" Private repeated the word; as if it was the most absurd thing he has ever heard of. That was what's bothering him..? That's what's been causing him to act all weird?

He sighed, again. "Yes, knowledge. As you see, time is limited. I have already wasted so much time and have so little of it left!" he looked at his failed experiments in disappointment.

"I crave for that knowledge; for that experience.

There are so many interesting subjects to study, so many unforeseen mysterious unknown to the universe. I want to be the one to figure them out."

Silence followed as Private was trying to comprehend what Kowalski meant by "unforeseen mysteries".

The clock ticked, echoing in the small area of the lab.

"You seek to discover unforeseen mysteries? That's seems a bit difficult given the fact they're unforeseen and they are mysteries."

He was talking logically, what any kid his age would conclude from the speech Kowalski gave him.

"The reason it's difficult is what makes me want to discover it. Not only that. Physiology, Analogy, Astronomy, Biology, Physics, Neurology, Geology... Each of the subjects takes a lifetime to master and to actually comprehend. One on its own is a tool. All of them mixed will give me uncontrollable knowledge. Knowledge equals power." his eyes were bloodshot, and he scanned the list of theories he needed to prove.

To Private, he was talking nonsense. "Knowledge is not the only thing that brings power, Kowalski."

He turned his gaze towards the young penguin. "Ha, I've been thinking about that too. In that entire buzz, all of those discoveries, I would still like to experience all the little things. To fall in love, to laugh, to spend time with my friends. Time leaves no space for it all. And then... I start to think again. My mind clogged with all these thoughts. Is it the root of this entire problem? Thinking? If I didn't think, I wouldn't feel the desire to know more. Yet again, if I didn't feel, I wouldn't feel the need to laugh. To fall in love. Maybe if one of those has mysteriously disappeared, I would have time for one, clear path."

He said it so fast, as it was so simple, as if he had it all thought out. Maybe he did already think it through.

"One clear path? What do you mean? Isn't your path to train and go on missions with us?" he asked innocently. It almost sounded as if Kowalski was... Choosing a different path.

He glanced guilty at the ceiling "There is so much more for me to explore..."

"I don't understand. Why are you telling me this?"

"Private. I am thinking of devoting my life to research and science. I don't know if there is space for an elite force team in there."

Private shook his head. "No. You are not doing this. You are not leaving us!" his voice was shaky, and his expression darkened.

"The Nile is not just a river in Utah..."

"You are being a complete jerk!" he burst out "You know what? It's YOUR choice whether you want to put aside time for your closest friends. It's YOUR choice. But if you want to go and search the world, trying to figure out all the "mysteries" it contains then knock yourself out. But you're going to fail, Kowalski! You're going to fail. You're going to come back here on all fours, begging to join our team, because you will realize your life is a failure and there is no such thing as ultimate knowledge!"

"Private I didn't mean-" a loud slam on the door interrupted his sentence.

He had never seen Private this mad. He thought he would understand.

"Skipper, Kowalski...!" Skipper cast a knowing look towards Private. "I know."

"Wha-What?" tears threatened to fall out of his eyes.

"He's leaving tomorrow. He said he wanted to explain it to you his way."

"No… I-I don't understand." Private choked out. He turned his head towards Rico, who just frowned sadly.

"He will return, Private. He just needs to figure himself out."

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><p><strong>I still don't know if this is a one shot, but for now it is. Should I continue? <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok so I actually did developed a plot for this... so this is not a one shot :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't owe PoM**

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><p>Kowalski sighed deeply, packing the last of his books in one, rough looking suitcase. The suitcase could probably handle much, giving the fact it has to carry 43 books and a giant pack of chocolate bars. Kowalski questioned its limit and wondered if he could fit another slightly small notepad. He glanced back at the ready-to-explode case once again and shook his head. "Well at least I have my chocolate." Kowalski shrugged, his shoulder slacked. He always had a thing for chocolate; it satisfied his sweet tooth. It might come as a shock, but he always preferred it over fish. Of course, he hid it, because what kind of bird would he be if he didn't enjoy fish as much as chocolate? Not a normal one.<p>

"I will discover a cure and I'll be back." he muttered unconvincingly. After all, he volunteered himself; he needs to take charge of his actions.

He sucked the last bit of air, and managed to write a note.  
><em><br>I'm sorry. I know right now it seems all stupid and uncalled for, but maybe in the future you'll understand. -Kowalski.  
><em>  
>Perhaps it sounds cliché, but there was really nothing else left to say. He didn't want to give away unnecessary information away, especially to poor, lost Private.<br>_'He probably hates me' _he thought drily, his head banging on the now clear desk. "This is for his own good" he reassured himself, as he brought his head up and lead the suitcase out the door, begging everybody were as he left them; Asleep.  
>His prayers were unfortunately not answered, as he stepped half an inch out of the door and bumped into Skipper, who gave him a mini heart attack. "S-Sir!" he asked between surprised breaths.<br>"Soldier." he replied evenly, not phased by the fact he was about to leave for a long period of time.  
>"He's asleep?"<br>"Affirmative."  
>He looked uneasily at Skipper's direction, which stood there looking about as tired as he was, yet in a much better condition. Of course, he thought bitterly. It's much easier for him to follow orders.<br>There were a couple of questions on Kowalski's mind; ones that needed to be answered, but not quite sure how to be asked.  
>He didn't want to leave but he knew his purpose and most importantly, his mission. How will he even begin to explain the difficulties annoying his very wary brain?<br>He started off simple. "He isn't aware you'll soon be leaving too, is he?" he looked down at the floor knowing Skipper knew perfectly well who he is talking about.  
>"No. And he's better off that way. He always had a great connection with Rico. He will take care of him." his voice showed no emotion and Kowalski looked up at him amazed. "Maybe I shouldn't go. I should be here fighting with you." he knew his demand wouldn't be affirmed; only worse, it'll be denied with a snaggy remark.<br>"No. Your part in all this is quite clear. Stick by your orders, soldier. You will do as you're told." _At least no snaggy remark…_  
>"But-"<p>

"There are no buts, soldier! Especially not at a time of war!" he snapped angrily. At least he was showing some type of emotion, though Kowalski was not quite satisfied with the type.

"I know that. I do. But don't you understand I'm not reaching my full potential in helping this entire situation by going off on a wild goose chase?"  
>"Don't YOU understand that if you get all the pieces needed to make the formula, YOU will be saving tons of lives?" he retorted back, his eyes deadly serious. Each time he said 'you' his flipper poked the side of the timid penguin's chest; quite hardly, when he thought about it. "You're the only one smart enough to put it all together. You majored in Chemistry, Kowalski, it's your strongest subject!" he continued, his tone daring him to question his orders again.<br>"Not strongest..." he muttered, thinking about what he told Private earlier. He wasn't a complete liar.  
>"Just go..." he cleared a path so Kowalski will be able to leave.<br>He started to walk towards the exit, but turned suddenly. "We're not alone, you know. There are other soldiers, with other jobs..."  
>"Just go Kowalski!"<br>"But-" _'Again with the buts!'_ he thought angrily.  
>"NOW!" he whisper shouted, making Kowalski flinch.<p>

"Fine." he carried his suitcase up the fish bowl, and walked outside. The air was cold on his thin feathers and he suddenly felt alone. The shadows were playing tricks on his eyes and he could already tell he's not the only one that's been awake all night.

Far ahead he could spot Julien and Maurice having a heated argument about something he could not hear, while Mort was snuggling comfortably on Julien's foot. He inched closer, maybe he could here what it was about. He could care less what they were talking about, he really could, but it bothered him knowing it was most likely about something stupid. _Some people have real problems unlike those foolish lemurs!_ He thought annoyed.

Julien slapped Maurice and Maurice looked back insulted his expression dangerous. "You don't always know what you're talking about!" he heard Maurice say. Barely though, it was most like a whisper. His gaze fell away from their habitat, deciding that figuring out whatever the lemurs were doing were none of his concerns, and that he had much more pressing problems to worry about. For example, where was he supposed to start anyways? He sighed and just continued to walk out of his habitat, making sure to avoid the lemur's habitat or any habitat for that matter.

He knew this wouldn't benefit anyone, this was the only way to get him out and ready for battle. Skipper was clueless, thinking he knew nothing. To the contrary, he knew much more than he would give him credit for.

All their sworn enemies doubled off to destroy them and all their loved ones. Of course, the military is helping, as if they were after them as well. Real soldiers were helping them. It tugged on his heart strings knowing they weren't alone. Something was missing though, he knew. Something Skipper was hiding away from him. And he was bound to figure it out. _No one can be trusted _he reminded himself. _Don't trust anyone. _

He grasped the handle of the suitcase sternly, and starting walking in the direction of the exit. Heck, he didn't even know where he was going.

Private awoke to a door being shut closed. "What is going on?" he rubbed his eyes, clutching to his Lunacorn doll tighter.  
>Skipper turned and walked over to the young penguin, trying to make him fall asleep again. "It will be alright." he soothed the confused penguin. "Go back to sleep, I will explain the morning."<br>"He didn't actually go, did he?" he asked shakily.  
>"I will explain tomorrow" he repeated. "Go back to sleep."<br>"But..."  
><em>He was SICK and TIRED of those buts! His soldiers needed to learn to take on demands!<em> "That's an order, soldier! Go to sleep, NOW!"  
>Private whimpered and forcibly shut his eyes closed, thoughts running through his head.<br>Skipper shook his head, annoyed with his outgoing temper. He might have been a bit rough on the boy, though that was a problem for tomorrow. He didn't have time to worry about such things now.  
>He took his black bag that laid conveniently next to his bunk, and went into his secret room. The secret room was hidden behind a picture, powered by a secret code. Skipper quickly typed the secret code in: RHAKD8269PENGUIN111<br>How he remembers the code is a mystery to everyone, but yet again, you can't be too safe. At least, that's what he always told himself.  
>He entered the room quietly, not living a trace behind. He closed the creaky door, and took a recorder out from the bag.<br>"Skipper's Log: Subject has gone search for the formula. May he have all the luck he can get…he's going to need it. Meanwhile, need to restock on the weapon supply. Soon Rico won't be available for such things." he sighed. "Leaving them behind is not going to be easy…." He stopped the recording. He knew this was all fake, there was no formula. Kowalski was too smart for his own good and he needed to keep his team safe. Or, he needed to keep himself safe.

He hesitated if to continue his next sentence, his flippers grasping the recorder skeptically. He pressed the worn out red button and started to speak, "Skipper's log: I may have failed as a friend; but at least not as a leader."

A ringing sound interrupted his recording making Skipper shut it off instinctively. He had all the information needed saved anyways. He hesitantly headed for the walkie-talkie shaped phone and took a glance at the colored ID.

His facial expression dropped "Not him." He groaned "I just don't have the energy!" he banged his flipper on the nearby wall, causing an echo in the small room. He knew he would have to pick it up though. He groaned once again and put on a fake enthusiastic tone "Yes dad? How may I help you?"

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><p><strong>Sorry if things are a bit unclear now. Everything will be figured out in later chapters ^^ R&amp;R :) <strong>


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